Tuesday, February 22, 2011

What? Splat! A.D. and Angel




There are days when I shouldn't be allowed out of the house. I do believe that is why I spend so much time quilting and caretaking and so little time out in the 'real' world.

If I'm out in the real world for too long at a time, I began to more than wonder about myself. And I encourage others to wonder about me, too.

Yesterday, I headed out to check out five locations (for the third time) trying to find new eyeglasses. I have worn ones with a huge crack in them for an entire year. An entire year, folks. My once tiny crack is now a circle that fills the entire right lens. Obviously, I am not very vain and see my way around all obstacles.

Why would I go so long, you ask...because I don't get out in the real world much. I spent the first three months of the crackdown with a broken and dislocated wrist on an island in Alaska. I spent the next three months post surgery going back and forth to Alaska for a wedding, to rush to my mother's bedside, and then back again to my father's funeral. 2010 was not a very good year and I was too exhausted to care about seeing things clearly at that point. And besides, when I leave the house I break things, get lost, and end up in strange places with people staring at me. Oh, wait...that might be at my house!

Now, alot of that has to do with my lifelong obsession with severe sleep deprivation. I am pretty much an expert and expect to have scientists fight over my body for its research potential. And yes, I have done and tried everything. I said I was an expert, remember ;)

But until then, it is one Liberated Quilting Challenge after another, as I try to solve the puzzle of living, breathing, and creating One Little Quilt at a Time for the Alzheimer's Art Quilt Initiative, mailing my donations in, and not getting lost driving downtown Salem. And we are not that big of a city.

Yesterday, I got What? and SPLAT ! as my own Bah Humbug! for Tonya Ricucci's UnRuly Quilting challenge, finally, finally into the mail. Where are the letters for Bah and the Humbug you ask? I left them on the sewing room floor...if I can't read them, who else is going to be able to? So, much for fabric design choices...too many lessons learned.

Now, I've always expected to see my face on the wall of all major airports. All you have to do is get behind me in the TSA line and you will learn why. But yesterday, I came close to having it also featured on America's Most Wanted... coming soon to a wall....in a Post Office near you.

Yesterday, of course, was a no mail holiday and I had mail to mail. So, I attempted the dreaded mailing machine. Half an hour later and a credit card that was twisted and turned in so many directions trying to find one the machine liked was one thing. But having to humbly ask for help from strangers on the sidewalk was another. So, yes..I was given a lot of quarters but it took a while to actually get some help.

Dang, I just hate it when a man fixes your problem in two seconds. We were both stymied by all of the jammed blue mail boxes, however.And I pushed, turned, shoved, and tried all four of them. Was yesterday April Fool's and nobody told me? The nice man...well, at this point he just said "Someone has apparently jammed them." Ah, yes..that's the kind of man I usually know ;)

I finally got my What? and my Splat! in the mail..along with another AAQI quilt, not shown here, and I made it through all 5 eyeglasses stores in only 6 hours and yes I bought the only glasses that were the right frame size and tall enough for old lady 61 year old eyes and their need to cram so many layers into one tiny lens and still let my quadruple astigmatisms correction that far exceeds both of my lens corrections still be close enough to my eye to not have me seeing triple starbursts every where I go. I can do that quite well on my own!

But I left the poor optician girl in a puddle on the floor laughing at me when my handbag got tangled so badly in my artistically looped around me scarf that I had to wear it under my nose for the whole eye exam. She thought my selecting glasses and going through the pre-exam was a hoot but the nice optician man...well, we're back to men, ladies. He never managed a smile..even when I mentioned that I really should have put silicone sealer in my optical windshield crack ;)

And you know those two pair of eyeglasses for $69 that you see on tv ads? Well, if you need anything more than plate glass windows it comes to $&#@* Lets just say between 4 and 5 times that. I tried really hard to be an angel, even though I was showing some of my usual signs of precursing A.D. and it definitely was a wipe the design table clean and start over kind of experience.

But oh well...I finally ordered one regular pair and one pair of sunglasses. And I know...I never get out much...but when the sun does shine in either Oregon or Alaska...it's enough to blind you since we're so used to seeing rain..and we tend to put on sunglasses whether we truly need them or not.

Oh, I am so glad yesterday is over...so much for my Bah Humbug! day!!! I managed to see my way around all obstacles once again...oh, wait...did I run over somebody's garbage can?

Yep, that's me...coming soon to a police station wall near you.

Michele Bilyeu quilts for AAQI..the Alzheimer's Art Quilt Initiative. Won't you please join us? :)