Feb 22, 2011

What? Splat! A.D. and Angel

There are days when I shouldn't be allowed out of the house. I do believe that is why I spend so much time quilting and caretaking and so little time out in the 'real' world.

If I'm out in the real world for too long at a time, I began to more than wonder about myself. And I encourage others to wonder about me, too.

Yesterday, I headed out to check out five locations (for the third time) trying to find new eyeglasses. I have worn ones with a huge crack in them for an entire year. An entire year, folks. My once tiny crack is now a circle that fills the entire right lens. Obviously, I am not very vain and see my way around all obstacles.

Why would I go so long, you ask...because I don't get out in the real world much. I spent the first three months of the crackdown with a broken and dislocated wrist on an island in Alaska. I spent the next three months post surgery going back and forth to Alaska for a wedding, to rush to my mother's bedside, and then back again to my father's funeral. 2010 was not a very good year and I was too exhausted to care about seeing things clearly at that point. And besides, when I leave the house I break things, get lost, and end up in strange places with people staring at me. Oh, wait...that might be at my house!

Now, alot of that has to do with my lifelong obsession with severe sleep deprivation. I am pretty much an expert and expect to have scientists fight over my body for its research potential. And yes, I have done and tried everything. I said I was an expert, remember ;)

But until then, it is one Liberated Quilting Challenge after another, as I try to solve the puzzle of living, breathing, and creating One Little Quilt at a Time for the Alzheimer's Art Quilt Initiative, mailing my donations in, and not getting lost driving downtown Salem. And we are not that big of a city.

Yesterday, I got What? and SPLAT ! as my own Bah Humbug! for Tonya Ricucci's UnRuly Quilting challenge, finally, finally into the mail. Where are the letters for Bah and the Humbug you ask? I left them on the sewing room floor...if I can't read them, who else is going to be able to? So, much for fabric design choices...too many lessons learned.

Now, I've always expected to see my face on the wall of all major airports. All you have to do is get behind me in the TSA line and you will learn why. But yesterday, I came close to having it also featured on America's Most Wanted... coming soon to a wall....in a Post Office near you.

Yesterday, of course, was a no mail holiday and I had mail to mail. So, I attempted the dreaded mailing machine. Half an hour later and a credit card that was twisted and turned in so many directions trying to find one the machine liked was one thing. But having to humbly ask for help from strangers on the sidewalk was another. So, yes..I was given a lot of quarters but it took a while to actually get some help.

Dang, I just hate it when a man fixes your problem in two seconds. We were both stymied by all of the jammed blue mail boxes, however.And I pushed, turned, shoved, and tried all four of them. Was yesterday April Fool's and nobody told me? The nice man...well, at this point he just said "Someone has apparently jammed them." Ah, yes..that's the kind of man I usually know ;)

I finally got my What? and my Splat! in the mail..along with another AAQI quilt, not shown here, and I made it through all 5 eyeglasses stores in only 6 hours and yes I bought the only glasses that were the right frame size and tall enough for old lady 61 year old eyes and their need to cram so many layers into one tiny lens and still let my quadruple astigmatisms correction that far exceeds both of my lens corrections still be close enough to my eye to not have me seeing triple starbursts every where I go. I can do that quite well on my own!

But I left the poor optician girl in a puddle on the floor laughing at me when my handbag got tangled so badly in my artistically looped around me scarf that I had to wear it under my nose for the whole eye exam. She thought my selecting glasses and going through the pre-exam was a hoot but the nice optician man...well, we're back to men, ladies. He never managed a smile..even when I mentioned that I really should have put silicone sealer in my optical windshield crack ;)

And you know those two pair of eyeglasses for $69 that you see on tv ads? Well, if you need anything more than plate glass windows it comes to $&#@* Lets just say between 4 and 5 times that. I tried really hard to be an angel, even though I was showing some of my usual signs of precursing A.D. and it definitely was a wipe the design table clean and start over kind of experience.

But oh well...I finally ordered one regular pair and one pair of sunglasses. And I know...I never get out much...but when the sun does shine in either Oregon or Alaska...it's enough to blind you since we're so used to seeing rain..and we tend to put on sunglasses whether we truly need them or not.

Oh, I am so glad yesterday is over...so much for my Bah Humbug! day!!! I managed to see my way around all obstacles once again...oh, wait...did I run over somebody's garbage can?

Yep, that's me...coming soon to a police station wall near you.

Michele Bilyeu quilts for AAQI..the Alzheimer's Art Quilt Initiative. Won't you please join us? :) 


Quilt Junquee said...

I am laughing so hard I fell off the desk chair and spilled my coffee. You are just too much woman!

Anonymous said...

Loved it! Sorry it was hard on you.hugs, Sheila

Joyce said...

It's probably too late this time, but I order all my glasses from Zeni Optical and they cost under $100 for bifocals etc.

beth said...

Funny! I'm glad you'll be seeing clearly soon!

Alice said...

I love how you can make fun of life with all that you have been through this past year. You really are an inspiration to us all and a giggle.

Angie said...

ROFLOL!!!! What a hoot! :D

VivJM said...

Oh you did make me laugh!! I never use anything automated if I can help it cos I always find a machine that doesn't work, get in a tangle etc. I think we are kindred spirits. Sending hugs ((()))

Viv x

Clare said...

I dropped my specs a few weeks ago. DH taped them up with BLACK tape. My eyesight is getting worse by the day as I have this nasty fly in the corner of my left eye.

There! I knew we were sistas!

And I totally agree about the 2 for the price of 1. Been there, got the T-shirt and this has taken me ages to type.


Karen said...

HA HA HA!!! Elaine, you are SO funny. Too much happened to you in just one day! I've had days similar to that occasionally. We really DO need to get out more! Sounds like we aren't alone!

Take care and see better soon! Yes, they really are pricey nowadays!

Shelina (formerly known as Shasta) said...

Yes we found that out too, that the cheap glasses place had only ugly glasses, and the price wasn't quite what they said. I'm glad you are seeing clearer now. At least you were entertained and entertaining.
Some errand days go so smoothly, and others, well, not so much. I think this means your next errand day will go very smoothly.

Unknown said...

LOL... I can totally relate! :)

Glad you can see though. :)

Joanne Lendaro said...

LOL!!! You could have new ones that you absolutely HATE and continue to wear the old scratched, bent, lopsided ones like me....just sayin'! So, we are not alonge my dear we are in great company!

Quiltdivajulie said...

Just curious ... have you ever been tested for sleep apnea?

Glad you survived the day (and I DO know what you mean about the cost of glasses when you don't have perfect eyes)!

Rosalyn Manesse said...

I hate getting new frames--I can't see what they look like in the mirror, because I don't have glasses on--if you know what I mean. And eye doctors have the worst bed-side manners of any type of doctor. And "the sun will come out tomorrow--bet your bottom dollar..."

quiltmom anna said...

I am not sure what it is about us caretakers of the world that we do not always remember to take care of ourselves? You had quite the day didn't you- I am glad that you found yourself some new eyeglasses and that you could find some humor it when others might have found it trying..
You do make me laugh Michele- I love your zest for life-
I hope that 2011 is a much kinder year for you and that you are surviving the winter months.
We are getting tired of snow here in Alberta- I am beginning to long for sunshine and spring flowers but they are at least 6 weeks away- maybe more..
Be well dear friend.

julieQ said...

Ma'am....I did not see you at the police station when I was there. I am sure you are mistaken...hee!!! sounds like you are having some days like me!!

Tonya Ricucci said...

always avoid automated machines - they are evil. thank you so much for the splat and the ! - wonderfulness. i went and got myself new glasses and sunglasses too. I won't get them for at least another week b/c I went ahead and splurged on HD lenses that are supposed to be a lot clearer to look through. better be.