Monday, December 03, 2007

Don't Bother Me, I am Sniffing Fabric Pheronomes Today


Storms are pounding Oregon today and we've already lost our tallest and most beloved willow tree...the ones all of our kids swung on as children. For consolation....I'll be in the sewing room today...sniffing fabric.

The 'scientific' research article to the positive effects of such practices has been making the rounds of the textile blogs, but I've since lost its original linking. The textile scientist may have already succumbed to her obsessive needs to purchase, touch, smell and hoard fabric and be lost in a stash pile somewhere. So, consider that thought as my official disclaimer on the missing scientifically medical one that I should be providing: Never the less, here's my evidence and I'm sticking with it!

Scientific Study Reveals Hypnotizing Effect

A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain pheromones, that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase ungodly amounts of fabric.

When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the pheromones cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome. This is similar to the one that squirrels have before the onset of winter. They need to stock pile and store in order to perpetuate their species and not face a population loss due to their own kind being cut up into pieces and mixed with others. Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few of breed of women known as 'Quilters'.

When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants 'buy me, cut me, sew me!" In order to overcome the so-called 'feeding frenzy effect' that these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip.
Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread the effect that these fabrics have on the human population. They are called "Fabric Store Clerks." FSCs look down on shoppers with ear plugs and gas masks and do their very best to discourage the wearing of either of them an the instead urge us to "buy this, cut this, sew this."

It's also been a common experience that these same pheromones cause a pathological need to secret these fabric purchases away when taking them home ... or at least blend them into the existing stash... and when asked by a significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is "I've had it for a while".

Please don't bother me. I am sniffing fabric today. No ear plugs, no gas plug, just a happy and contented expression on my face.

shown:
my art print by Barbara LaVallee titled 'Kuspuks by the Yard' As the sign says "Fabric For Sale". Oh? Is that what I'm sniffing?