Monday, October 08, 2007

The End of the Internet, Leather Whips, and Other Surprises

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I don't know about the rest of you, but blog reading and writing here, for me, has been quite the adventure lately! This weekend, Google Reader, re-listed hundreds of your posts as being 'unread'...clear back to last January. In order to 'clear' them, I have had to either 'read' them or scroll through them. Needless to say, this took a bit of time...especially since I already had 736 new posts still left to read since returning from Alaska!

I have discovered the oddest search engine listings for my own Blog.....things that I never wrote about.....or even said. And if you were, for example, to look up 'leather whips Salem', it would actually lead you back to me. I have to laugh when I think about all of those, using those search words, who discovered this little old lady with a quilting blog!

How in the world, you ask, did a quilter end up being listed under 'leather whips?' Well, one of my previous posts was about Do Cats Really Have Nine Lives? In that post, I discussed pirates and their 'cat 'o nine tails' whips.

Thus, I am became entered in Google search engine history as:
With Heart and Hands, A Quilting Journey:....Silver Creek Falls State Park hosts a star party, ..... Flogging, with this braided leather whip made with the typical 9 strips of ...
with-heart-and-hands.blogspot.com/ - 155k - Cached - Similar pages

I must have hosted some party! In fact, I don't even remember it! Here I am, supposedly a premier Dominatrix, with no memory of my talents! But, if you've ever been to Silver Creek Falls, it would definitely be the place for a 'star party' with whips!' In fact, maybe I should seriously consider other talents...I'm not THAT talented at quilting!

Another search came up with this Google search quote: With Heart and Hands, A Quilting Journey: November 2006...*In the past 12 months has purchased 98.7 yards of fabric ... I caught her in a stash basket once. I found her hiding under my sewing table a number of ...with-heart-and-hands.blogspot.com/2006_11_01_archive.html - 124k - Cached - Similar pages

I have no idea who purchased 98.7 yards of fabric and was caught in my stash baskets ...and hiding under my sewing table! I, personally, have never in my life, purchased 98.7 yards of fabric in a year, that I know of...I mean do you keep track like that? Almost all of my sewing comes from stash or donated fabrics and my few new purchases are for gifts, only.

When I go directly to that November post...not only is there absolutely NO mention of this wording, nor did any of you ever comment on 98.7 yds of fabric in that post or any other post of mine that I can remember! So, I ask...who was 'she' and what was she doing in my house...playing with my stash! Is she the one with the whips who hosts parties at Silver Creek Falls! And if so, I am her personal publicist...where is my cut of the stash????

Yes, I am Googling today. Googling and googling. I have had posts appear, then disappear...sometimes by my own hand. Yesterday, I discovered that my quiz on how to tell if you had been abducted by Aliens, was suddently posted twice....that seemed to indicate that perhaps, I indeed, had had some kind of alien encounter.

On top of that...if that wasn't enough, I also discovered...and I am telling the absolute truth on this one...the word boo (b-o-o) peeking from inbetween my two photos of the Quiltopia post. I am pretty sure blogger 'borrowed the 'boo' from the labeling box where I had put in 'bookshelf quilts'. But a boo in October is definitely a big 'boo'!

This morning I posted about Columbus Day...since today is Columbus Day, observed...forgetting that it is truly the 12th...so I 'un-posted' in a hurry. Then, I realized everyone else was talking about it today, and I was already listed on the web and couldn't 'unlist'. So, if you were in my blog and that appeared than disappeared, then reappeared...I will claim that one. Anything else....blogger and googles! And no, I did not type the word 'blogger' in yellow. That would be the other powers than mine!

Perhaps, the most entertaining of all...maybe not compared to my leather whips, but still funny, was the day I discovered the 'End of the Internet'. I had read a hundred blogs, made a lot of searches and finally this comes up.....and I quote:

"Congratulations, you've reached the End of the Internet.
The End of the Internet
Congratulations! This is the last page.
Thank you for visiting the End of the Internet. There are no more links.
You must now turn off your computer and go do something productive.
Go read a book, for pete's sake. "

Thanks for the advice, Mr. Google. I think I'll go and read a book today...for pete's sake, if not my own!

8 comments:

  1. ROFLMBO!!!!! Gee -- so much to comment on!
    Now we know what your Halloween costume will be, or do you not wear your "work clothes" for dress-up? ROFL - does the PTA know about you? Now - about your powers. I know you only use them for good not evil, so messing with google and putting an end to the internet as we know it is just a prank, right? Will Columbus be making a comeback to help find it today?
    Ahhh -- thanks for the laugh, I needed it! I'm going to chuckle all day picturing your sewing room with whips decorating the walls.......

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  2. WOW!! I am really sorry I missed the oppurtunity to meet you earlier this year. You are one wild quilter. I would love to hear about his adventures in person over coffee. What an alter ego you must have, its almost a shame to have all that fun and not remember. But then again it could be a blessing. Thanks for the great post.

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  3. This is hilarious. The crowd book I am reading did talk about how Google prioritizes posts by the crowd. The pages that more people link to are deemed more significant than the ones that aren't linked.

    There was a commercial about the end of the internet - and I think sometimes when I manage to read all of my posts on bloglines (that happened once, I think), I was remembering that end of the internet quote, until someone posted something else.

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  4. You are too funny! Very funny post, Ms. Dominatrix!

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  5. What a tangled "web" this world-wide-one can become! Boo!!

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  6. that's so funny! I googled myself recently and was horrified to find that my name is the same as a very famous sex therapist in Scotland with several books to her credit and some football guy...dang! Sometimes I think the end of the internet wouldn't be such a bad place to be. You made me laugh!

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  7. You are so funny, yet so correct. I have had friends google things and find my blog...I scratch my head myself sometimes.

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  8. Oh my goodness, Michele - thanks so very much for the chuckles and laughs. I really needed those after my day at work!

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Michele Bilyeu blogs "With Heart and Hands" as she journeys between Douglas, Alaska and Salem, Oregon.