Sep 17, 2007

Leaving On a Jet Plane

Today, is my last day in my beautiful home state of Alaska. I have packed my bags, helped prepare a last big family dinner and spent endless... but never, ever enough... time with my 90 year old Father and 82 year old Mother. Now, it is time to fly south. Time to leave these dear people that I love so much and go back to Salem, Oregon where I have now lived.....for more years there.... than here.

Leaving here is quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever asked myself to do. There is no knowing of what the future holds.... or when, or if.... I will see these dear parents of mine, again. I am up in the night and I am crying. I have been here for three weeks, now and the good Lord willing, I shall be back in their lifetimes' again. It is very, very hard to say goodbye.

Today, my last day 'home'. I shall just spend it with them. I have made sure to have my belongings back in my suitcases yesterday, so that I would not have to spend all day with the packing and weighing of them, today. I got up in the night and started the last three loads of laundry, the last dishwasher full of dirty dishes, got the pots and pans to not be falling all over the place like Fibber McGee's closet...all of the things that I can only do to help before I leave. I do what I know how to do, and lots of it, the rest is up to the family that I leave behind, here in Douglas.

I am hoping my suitcases are under, and not over the regulated weight, knowing that it is my heart that is too heavy....... and no amount of re-arranging.... save love.... can remedy that. So, today, I shall just love. Love and be loved. Try as hard as I can, through aching heart and tear stained face..... to fill them.... and this house.... and myself..... with love.


Tanya said...

Have good trip back. Call everyday? I know it doesn't help in the everyday jumble of things but it would give your parents something to look forward to at the end of every day. I called my mom daily the week that my brother's family was on vacation. Just short 5 minute talks.
I've thought about mailing postcards daily too.

Jeanne said...

{{a hug}} for your sadness.

I've been reading all your poignant descriptions of this visit, and my heart aches along with yours.

All four of our elderly parents are still living, but three are out of state, and I know the feelings you're describing about saying goodbye. My dad always says "See ya when I see ya." It's making me cry to even just type that.

Sending loving thoughts your way >>>> Jeanne

dot said...

What an entry. I cried for you as I read the post. Give your parents a hug for us in blogger land.

Lindah said...

Ahhh, thank you for sharing your heart and your ache with us. It's so hard I know. Hold close those precious memories every day. Wish I could help.

Clare said...

My heart aches for you. As Tanya says, how about a telephone call every evening just to reassure yourself that everything is ok and gives your parents something to look forward to.

Courage mon ami.

Shelina said...

I understand your pain. I hope you have a safe journey home.

Nellie's Needles said...

Words are not adequate to respond to what you're living. My heart felt thoughts are with you.

Lucy said...

My heart goes out for you

Debi said...

Michelle, I hope you made it home safely. I am sending positive energy and great big hugs.

Erin said...

If you cannot handle a moment or a day put it in God's hands, that is what he is there for. You have been wonderful, and loving. Your parents are so grateful, and loving, and know that. Have you ever read the book Boundaries? It was written in 1992. It is not about definite boundaries, but about life. It might help with the guilt you might feel down the road. I have been there. soft hugs, Erin