Thursday, September 20, 2007

Home, Again


I'm back home again...in Salem, Oregon. I have unpacked, put it all away, returned my lovely but defective camera to Costco, loaded what photos I was able to take onto my computer and am ready to start anew.

All three of our cats greeted me on my return home. My little black 'neck warmer' meowed non-stop for 20 minutes until I finally had to lay down on the bed so she could climb up on me and be reassured that it was really me. It surprised me. Our previous dogs have always had a 'missing' response and reaction, but I am used to cat's being more independent and less personally aware. It was cute. Two of the three lay on my bed and watched as I unpacked. They are sisters and usually fight as sisters will...but instead they were side by side in agreeable sharing.

I am taking Tanya's ( of Taniwa) advice and calling my parent's in Alaska, everyday. But it's still very hard to phone home and know that without the visual cueing of my face and voice up close, it's a lot harder for my mother to process what I am saying over the phone. She goes upstairs to nap or to rest on a heating pad and goes into a panic when she thinks my dad isn't home. He almost certainly, is...but she can't tell that.

And of course, I'm not there to run up and down the stairs checking and helping. So, that is very hard. Long distance all I can do is reassure her and hope he wonders why the phone keeps ringing and is being picked up by my mom, over and over. If I tell her, I'm going to phone right back, don't answer it so that my dad will have to...she doesn't process that and answers it, anyway.

This is the process of Alzheimer's, though it varies from person to person. With constant short term memory losses and often an inability to process consecutive thoughts or processes, every thing is cut off or cut short or even skipped.

I think of all of the times that I, myself, am so exhausted or perhaps even ill, and have had similar thought processing occur or not occur. Then multiply that and you will come close to what the tangled areas in the brain do to thought processing.

Right now, I am focusing on my own tangles. I worked so hard and so consistently when I was at my parent's home that now all of the aches and pains are coming through. When I get too far below my renewable energy sources I have to recharge my field before I can bring myself back to normal, again.

After fifteen years of working with a multiple of healing modalities based on the human energy field...I practice Reiki, Healing Touch and Therapeutic Touch, amongst others....I have learned what my limits are, but I almost always go beyond them when helping others. My belief is that when you have been blessed with special gifts. you are meant to not only use them for the good of yourself and others, but share them as much as you can for transformation, healing and spiritual growth. It is challenging and it is exhausting,but it is also a blessing to be able to help and do good. So now, I go and rest. I've done all that I can for now. Time for re-charging my own battery pack ;)

Thanks you and blessings to all of you for your sweet comments. It means so much and touches my heart. It's good to be back in Oregon...but I still miss my Alaskan roots and all that they mean to me.....

Hugs back, to all who sent them..... I felt each and every one of them :)

6 comments:

  1. Welcome back, dear sister Michelle. I knew we were kin. I practice Qigong and Tai Chi. Maybe you should too? Either one will help restore your energy wells.

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  2. I am glad you had a safe trip home. Now it's your turn. You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself first. Obviously you know that, and are doing what you need to do. My heart aches for the people with this horrible disease and all of their families.

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  3. Glad you're back safely and will be able to take some time for yourself. I was thinking about you all day today wondering how you (and your parents) were adjusting to your being gone. Phoning all the time can be costly but in a world where we have instant communication at our fingertips, I think we should use it and be thankful that the opportunity is there. Don't worry yourself too much.

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  4. Welcome home, take good care of YOU... the purring neck warmer will help! ~hugs~

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  5. Glad you made it back safely. Hugs coming to you from the cornfields. I know what that plane trip away from a loved one is like -- rest, recharge, and know that your love does make a difference.

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  6. Welcome home! There's great feeling in leaving - but knowing you did your best - that helps. Peace - doni

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Michele Bilyeu blogs "With Heart and Hands" as she journeys between Douglas, Alaska and Salem, Oregon.